vortex

i really dont want to live life in a black hole. where nobody sees me. where nobody hears me. where i cant stand the thought of myself. a constant whirlpool of  lost hopes and dreams, where all that is real is too much too bear and all that i want seems impossible. thats all. i can see the reality of something different, a time a place, a life, a love. i just have trouble jumping from here to there. why must we have rules? why decorum? or regulated breathing. my g-d, all i want is happiness. how hard should that be? to be bound by convention and something larger than life that i cant even feel, seems rediculous, even cruel.  what am i to do? tell me. please. im starving here. all alone. in pain. yeah. thats all.

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