locked out

i need nothing

from you or from 

anybody. 

except occasionally,

i may need some nothing. 

and that, i can get. 

easily.

and without reproach. 

and that, 

may just be

enough. 

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forever gone. 

cause it’s gonna be like this 

forever. 

only further 

and more final. 

and painful,

and firm. 

as are all deaths. 

only this one,

will be 

that much worse,

cause we’ll be breathing 

each other’s air..

and in each breath 

there’ll be a small droplet 

of what will never be. 

and for that,

i mourn

already. 

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Frankly my dear 

dip myself back

into that bottle 

to find the solace

you can’t provide. 

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naked truth. 

go away from me

please. 

stop your judging

of who i am

and how i came

to be. 

and keep your voice down. 

i hear you anyway,

loud and clear,

how im everything wrong

and bad

and not good enough

and never would be,

i know.

i know it!

you need not yell it at me. 

please don’t yell it at me. 

cause i die a little

each time 

the volume gets raised.

and if you knew anything 

about me,

at all,

you would know that. 

just be quiet. 

it’s all just so perfectly 

deafening

already. 

that’s all. 

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jezebels curse

for all the great

destruction ive caused

in those time bound moments

of awe,

where holy waters

are muddied with sin

and princes trade crowns

in for ash..

where shackles were tightened

and bibles were burned

and hopes were tossed violently

to pyre

lay the once beautiful form

of eternal pure soul

in a heap burnt in hell

by these hands.

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nothing

im just such a mess 

and i seem to be unraveling 

from my very core

and the thing is-

i have no idea

where the end

of that darn piece of thread is

or for that matter 

where the beginning 

might be….

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remind me?

i can barely breathe. 

and i’m not sure 

if i’m just not remembering right,

or if i simply left it all

with you. 

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