Y’all Y’all Jus’ leave me alone…alone..alone. 

lost in fires of deep regret

between long years of drought

where waxened weak 

small figurines

stand still in cowards bout

and watch them flames 

lick at sad skin

then joke at writhing pain

so sit upright in devils chair

and wish away the rain

 

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and everything else 

so tired. 

so so tired. 

do you think that maybe 

you could hold me a bit?

i need the sleep is all. 

thats all..

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nothingness at all at all..

haven’t had the words to say

for fear that i might feel,

or stumble out into the light

where all that shines is real..

so lay i here in empty bed

and hold on to your hand,

invisible as mine is too

and choose the dark instead…

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you can’t take it all. i beg of you.

im just in pain.

always. 

there’s no break

ever. 

it’s like time goes by 

and I think ill be ok

and I barely am..

just holding on..

and then you waltz in

in your dumb doubtless way

and pull that rug right out.

in a moment of perfection

for you

and near death for me/

and i back up slowly 

and stare at the floor 

where my bones

and my breath

and my life

are splayed out

in a vapid pool

of never had,

in a sea of toxic

never will,

and i watch

from the side

as my soul

gets crushed

just

a little:

just 

a

little,,,

more. 

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measure this. 

desperate for

salvations love

in all its magic

ways,

in north meets south

smoothe symmetry 

aligned 

in shortened days..

where hands get held

and mouths get kissed

and maybe hearts 

can heal,

in pure elastic

tightened truth

where once at last

its real. 

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culminate 

in folds of barely 

wanting

silk

i flood at thought

of you

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unpaletteable  

in droplets of color

i find my despair

and in drops of you

i see nothing but grey. 

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